Ja jsem sama.
Thoughts on being alone
I never lived alone before this year. Actually, I was never really alone, before now.... I don't think that there are many 23 year old adults living alone in this world, because to be quite frank, most of my friends back home still (1) live with their family or (2) have roommates... and up until this year, I did the same.
There are a lot of things that come with being alone. It's not just that feeling of isolation. Really, I wish it was JUST isolating. It's easy to overcome isolation... just make friends... however, when you are actually alone, there is something indescribable about it.
Sometimes, I LOVE living and being alone. Sometimes, I absolutely HATE it.
The hardest part, I think about being alone is having no one to talk to. By now, I have accepted the fact that I do not have anyone to talk to daily about things like (1) what I would love to do on the weekends, (2) what I would love to see in the movie theater, (3) some interesting gossip, (4) interesting news in the world today, (5) how someone's weekend was in general.... etc...etc...
I would like to point out that my Czech has improved dramatically since coming to this country, because I am incredibly lonely. Really, when you are alone in a new country, then you are really motivated to ask people, "Jak se mas?" "Jak se jmenujes?" "Okud jsi?" "Co delas?" "Co bude delat zitra?"
The responses are also very motivating for you to listen as well. When I first came here, it was really hard for me to tell the difference between two words... I'm not talking about the differences between "ano" and "ne," that's obvious and anyone can hear it... I'm talking about the natural pauses and rhythm of a spoken language. It was very overwhelming in my first month, when I had to listen... even now, I feel upset sometimes, when I cannot tell whether someone is asking me if I want to attend a lesson today or will I be attending a lesson at the gym today.... It's really rough, because even if you understand completely, coming up with a response is even harder. Sometimes, the person will ROLL their eyes, like you are a complete idiot. Sometimes, if they are nice, then they will repeat slowly... but normally, the person gets angry and I give up on making a sentence for the day....
I didn't expect the things that come with being alone... I didn't know what it meant to be alone. Quite frankly, no one tells you, "By the way, when you are alone, you will be your only friend, if you fail to learn the new language and attempt to speak to people everyday."
Needless to say, I don't really like being alone. It's a little depressing sometimes, when you realize that after 4 months of living in a new country, you only know about close to 30 verbs; about 100-200 nouns; and have no idea how to do the past tense... only how to do the future and the present.
On the bright side, I think that by the time I leave this country, I will probably know around 40-50 verbs and hopefully have a sufficient vocabulary to actually speak about something other than, "Kam jedeme?" nebo "Co budeme delat ted'?"
